\u201cHealing Trauma Through Inner Child Work<\/a>\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\nIt makes sense. If I have a damaged inner child (or children), it makes sense that I still buy stuffed animals and the softest blankets I can find. It makes sense that when my husband and I have a misunderstanding, I cower in a fetal position with a blanket and stuffed polar bear. It makes sense that I often feel stuck in my interpersonal development, that I am somehow still 11 years old and only pretending to be an adult. And it makes sense that I cringe at loud noises and completely shut down if someone raises their voice at me. It\u2019s almost like parts of me are stuck at different ages, different points in my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve often felt fragmented. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not suggesting I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder); I just mean that I don\u2019t always respond in predictable, consistent, or age-appropriate ways. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh wow, so it just occurred to me that I respond differently depending on what memories are triggered by the situation. For example, if someone I see as an authority figure is angry and yelling at me or because of something I could be held responsible for, I freeze and do my best to be invisible and silent, so as not to provoke my father any further, because that\u2019s where memory takes me. If someone is yelling at or hurting someone else, I feel a surge of protective anger and come to the defence of the person being attacked, like when 13-year-old me punched my father in the side and back to try to make him stop hurting my brother (See, my dad used to wrestle with my older brother to prove his dominance; it was okay when my brother was smaller and weaker, but when he started actually challenging my father, he would hurt my brother in order to win). If someone is hurt or panicking, and I feel I am responsible for them in the situation, I calmly deal with it, suppressing my emotional response. If someone is hurt or panicking, and I\u2019m not in a position to be responsible for it, I become a small child, helpless and terrified, as though I\u2019m cowering under a desk again, listening to my mother scream.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This makes so much sense. But where to start. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Holy crap, what a mess. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I should start with the basic question: What does my inner child (children) need? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To feel safe<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To not feel alone<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be protected<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be cherished<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be heard<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be valued for existing<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be held<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To not be responsible for everything<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To not have such high expectations placed on her<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to be tired<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to fail<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to make noise<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to not have the answer, the fix<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To not be completely prepared for every possibility<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To not be in charge<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To not have to manage everything<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to have an opinion<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to have needs and desires<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be creative<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be playful<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To seek beauty<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To explore<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To breathe deeply and alone<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To try new things<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be allowed to contradict, to disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To cry without judgment <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be able to say no<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, that snowballed rather quickly. I started with one thing, and more and more just spilled out, things that I feel far more intensely than I realized. This is a little overwhelming.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not good about allowing myself to need things, and that\u2019s a long list of needs. I\u2019m supposed to meet other people\u2019s needs and wants, not my own. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not okay to need. That\u2019s selfish. And weak. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Search my past for unmet needs and try to meet them when I\u2019m not allowed to even acknowledge that I have needs? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Simple assignment, right? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ugh. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So I\u2019ve been doing some reading on Inner Child work as a method of working through past trauma. While parts of the process trigger the \u201cbullshit alarms\u201d ingrained from my father about \u201cNew Age crap,\u201d I can see the merits and the potential for real change in myself (Man, I swear I need to be …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[52,55,98,3,62,37,96,35,40,4,97],"class_list":["post-86","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-childhood-trauma","tag-cycle-breaker","tag-deprogramming","tag-family-trauma","tag-healing","tag-identity","tag-inner-child","tag-needs","tag-personal-growth","tag-self-awareness","tag-trauma","entry entry-center"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=86"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":87,"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86\/revisions\/87"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=86"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=86"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidemylockdown.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=86"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}