Sunday is my one day off from working out, my rest day (though it is often chaotic and stressful in other ways), but my body and mind haven’t felt good doing nothing. I don’t get to sleep in with a toddler anyway, and getting up to exercise tries to ensure that I can get a …
Confession time: when I started both my weight loss and personal healing journeys, I did so with a severely flawed premise, that this process would somehow transform me into who I might have been. I spent so much time thinking about the impacts of trauma, my childhood, and the various impacts of my weight, so …
I’ve started reading Reconciliation: healing the inner child, by Thich Nhat Hanh. The five pages of the introduction have already had me openly weeping several times, and my favourite purple ink underlines nearly half the words. Beautiful and painful and horrible and wonderful. And through it all, I fight with myself that I am worth …
When I started writing, I really struggled with why. Why would anyone want to hear from me? Why would I matter, my story matter? Why would anyone want to read my words? I want to be heard. Ok, so does pretty much everyone. Why me? Why should anyone listen to some middle class American white …
There’s an Instagram account I follow, @survivingchildhoodtrauma, that posts daily writing prompts about trauma and recovery. I always read and think about them, but I’ve never written in response to one before. Until now. And not because I feel inspired, but because I feel called out and ashamed. And just sad. “How do I show …
In Inner Child work, there is a concept of Inner Protectors, basically defence mechanisms created during or following trauma to help a child deal with the event or events and to protect the child from future threats. Inner Protectors are often visualized and addressed as separate entities, and part of the recovery process involves “recruiting” …
A couple of weeks ago, I took the huge step of meeting a wonderful friend for drinks and appetizers. In a restaurant. With other humans. It was both nerve-wracking and awesome, the first time I had been in a restaurant in more than a year and a half. But that’s not the point of this …
It’s my birthday. Forty-two. Historically, my birthday has sucked. Actually, all my life, though I have realized that the more recent sucking has kinda been my own fault. History lesson: I don’t remember much about my early birthdays, except they were big family events until we moved away from everyone when I was six. My …
When you start a journey through your messed up psyche, you have to be prepared to stumble on some ugly truths about yourself. Or maybe not so much stumble upon as be smacked in the face by a baseball bat of truth. Gobsmacked, perhaps. Though that makes it seem more comical and less brutally painful. …
I need time. I need space. I need a continuum, all to myself. Everyone is too loud, too needy, too big, too everything. I feel like I’m shrinking. I need more me. I feel like I haven’t been myself all week. How sad is that: I can only be me once in a while for …